Why We Avoid Things That Help Us Heal

Have you ever found yourself putting off something you know would be good for you? Maybe it’s making that first therapy appointment, returning to journaling, or even just reaching out to a friend when you’re struggling. You’re not alone.

It’s one of the most frustrating parts of being human: sometimes, we avoid the very things that bring us closer to healing. Even when we want to feel better, even when we’re aware of what could help, we freeze, deflect, procrastinate—or convince ourselves we’re just too busy.

So why does this happen?

In this blog, we’ll explore the deeper emotional and psychological reasons behind this common experience. We'll look at how avoidance can be a protective strategy, how fear and vulnerability often show up as resistance, and why healing—even when it's positive—can feel unfamiliar or even threatening. Understanding these patterns with compassion is the first step toward gently shifting them. Healing isn’t always linear or comfortable, but naming the barriers that get in our way can be an act of healing in itself.

Healing Feels Vulnerable 

Many of the things that support our healing—like opening up in therapy, slowing down to feel emotions, or setting boundaries—require vulnerability. That can feel scary, especially if we’ve learned that being vulnerable wasn’t safe in the past. Sometimes, avoiding healing practices is our nervous system’s way of trying to protect us from perceived danger, even if that “danger” is growth. When it comes to opening up, start small. Instead of forcing yourself into full vulnerability, try dipping your toe in—journal for five minutes or say “no” in a low-stakes situation. Give yourself credit for every act of courage, no matter how small.

Avoidance is a Learned Survival Skill 

Avoiding emotional pain is something many of us learn early on—especially if we've been through trauma, high stress, or environments that discouraged emotional expression. Over time, our brains associate even helpful tools (like reflection or rest) with discomfort, so we delay or disengage. This doesn't mean you're "self-sabotaging"—it means you're human and doing your best with what you've learned. When you notice yourself avoiding something that could help, pause and ask: “What am I feeling right now?” or “What am I afraid this might bring up?” Name it gently, without judgment.

We Confuse Familiarity With Safety

Healing often involves stepping into new ways of thinking, feeling, or relating—and new can feel risky. Even if our current habits aren’t helping us thrive, they may feel familiar, and therefore “safe.” It’s not uncommon to cling to old patterns simply because they’re known. Remind yourself that growth doesn’t have to feel comfortable to be good. You might even say to yourself, “This is new, not wrong.” 

Perfectionism Can Block Progress 

Sometimes we avoid healing work because we think we need to do it perfectly—meditate every day, never miss therapy, or process emotions the “right” way. When we can’t meet these unrealistic standards, we give up entirely. This all-or-nothing thinking keeps us stuck. If this feels familiar to you, try to focus on consistency over perfection. Healing is about showing up again and again—not doing it flawlessly. Let yourself be a beginner, and remember: imperfect healing is still healing.

Seek Support

Therapists are trained professionals who help us recognize patterns of negative thinking and acknowledge the small but meaningful steps we’ve taken. Therapy offers a compassionate space to explore emotions without tying our self-worth to our struggles or experiences. If you find it difficult to give yourself credit for how far you’ve come, seeking support from a therapist can be a powerful step toward greater self-compassion and clarity.