Why Sadness Can Feel Safe

Depression is a multifaceted condition, and not everyone with depression will have the same relationship with the feelings that come with it. Yet feeling comfort in your sadness is a common experience across the board. Depression is a challenging condition to work through. It may also induce the fear of change; discovering your identity separate from your depression is no doubt intimidating. This blog will address why we find comfort in our sadness and how to avoid it prolonging our healing journey. 

Here are some reasons why sadness might feel safe for people experiencing depression:

Familiarity

Sadness becomes a familiar emotional state for those with depression. It's a consistent and predictable feeling, whereas other emotions may seem unpredictable or overwhelming. In this sense, sadness can feel like a known and manageable emotion. There's a certain level of comfortability when we feel in control; depression can trick our minds into thinking sadness is the norm. The human brain is complex, processing millions of bits of information every second. Our emotions are reactions to those processes and should come and go alongside our experiences. As humans, we are meant to feel an array of emotions, and getting stuck on one may be damaging to how our brain processes the world. Begin by increasing your self-awareness. Try to understand your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and how they may have been influenced by depression. Journaling can be a helpful tool for self-reflection.

Emotional Numbness

Depression often involves emotional numbness or a sense of detachment from one's feelings. In some cases, this numbness can extend to sadness, making it easier for individuals to cope with this emotion compared to others. Extended feelings of despair may result in the phenomenon of being emotionally numb, meaning external stimuli/stressors can feel easier to manage. Depressed individuals may find this stage of depression to be more comforting, in comparison to overwhelming feelings of sadness, self-doubt, anxiety, and hopelessness. Self-preservation may result in the belief that sadness shields us from the risks and challenges of the outside world, but it also restricts us from noticing when good things come in.  Keep track of your progress in your journey to rediscover your identity. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may seem.

Avoidance of Expectations

The fear of the unknown is especially challenging for people who struggle with depression. When people are consistently sad, they may avoid setting high expectations for themselves. This can provide a sense of safety because they don't have to worry about failing to meet unrealistic goals or facing disappointment. This also means that they prepare for bad things to happen, leaving no room for noticing the good. 

Don't believe me? Let's experiment with a quick exercise. 

Close your eyes and try to recall everything around you that is the color blue. When you open your eyes again you may notice that there are a lot more blue objects than you initially recognized. This phenomenon highlights how our perspective can be skewed to seeing the “bad” in situations, making it difficult to recognize when good things happen to us.

When we set our intentions for the worst possible outcome, we unconsciously manifest that reality for ourselves. Nothing is easy about depression, but it's important to actively look for the good so you don't block yourself from receiving it. Noting down one good thing a day can help realign your perception of life. Consider what values are important to you. Identifying your values can guide you in making choices that align with your authentic self. 

I want to emphasize that while sadness may feel safe for some depressed individuals, it is not a healthy or desired state of being. Depression is a serious mental health condition that may require treatment and support. I encourage those with depression to seek help from a licensed therapist, who may provide emotional support and help you move toward a healthier and more fulfilling emotional state.

If you are ready to make change in your life and would like support, please reach out to us today!